So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
