Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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