The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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