Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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