Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
