i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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