I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just pee around me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
