i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
