Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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