just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
