I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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