How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
