girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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