you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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