$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
