hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
