i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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