Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
