im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
