is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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