I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Randomize
