Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
