Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
