Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
