You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
