A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
