Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
