Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
