I wish life had little blips of pornography
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
