Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
