Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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