im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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