you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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