Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
