just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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