who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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