He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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