Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
