Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
