The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
