Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
