Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
