You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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