Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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