Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
