if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
