I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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