I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
