We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
