My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
