Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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