So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
