i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
